Wrap up: Sexy Talk

A healthy sexual relationship is one in which the individuals involved are physically and psychologically CONTENT with the frequency and nature of the sexual encounters.

In terms of the types and frequency of sexual engagement, however, there is no recipe for a healthy sexual relationship. Peoples’ sexual desires, perspectives and histories vary considerably. What is positive and healthy in one relationship may have negative health impacts in another (Healthy Sexual Relationships – virtual medical centre)

HOW OFTEN?

According to General Social Survey, newlyweds have sex about twice a week, and frequency drops 10% per decade.

Forget surveys.. Frequency is completely dependent on the people in the relationship. So if once a day is what floats your boat (good on yah) the rest of us will be happy with 0-4 time a week and special occasion sex.

Frequency of sexual arousal and behavior can be influenced by any number of factors, including:

  • Age
  • Life circumstances
  • Physical and emotional health
  • Medications
  • Having children at home
  • Hormonal imbalance
  • Recent losses and grief
  • Substance use and abuse
  • Workload and stress
  • Relationship status
  • A history of previous trauma or abuse
  • Diminished physical attraction and a corresponding lack of intimacy
    • After babies we all have issues with our new bodies
  • Secrets and lack of relationship trust
  • Dealing with baggage

HOW CAN SEX STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

A healthy sexual relationship requires vulnerability, effort, creativity.
Ultimately, for emotional intimacy to grow, each partner must be willing to meet the other’s deepest needs and protect the other’s greatest vulnerability. This produces an environment of trust, allowing each other to feel safe to share more. (Focus on the family)

Write it on your Honey Do List
Eat, sleep, exercise, finances, intimacy
Think of sex like exercise, you dread it, you do, then think “Wow, this is great, I should do this more often”

SO JUST DO IT!

WHAT KIND OF INTIMACY?

  • Holding hands
  • Kissing
  • Talking with candles
  • Making out (like teenagers), with no end game as a goal (maybe inform your partner first, you know mixed messages and all)
  • Try something new in the bedroom
  • Send the kids off for a sleepover and get a hotel room
  • Do it to prove you can and that you’re good at it
  • Great sex doesn’t just happen, keep doing it
  • Uninspired sex is sometimes good enough

There is light at the end of the tunnel. When you were first married you could/would do it any time, anywhere. Having kids makes the logistics of having sex complicated and limited. Then once your peeps are grown up and out of the house you can have sex anytime, anywhere.

Talk about it.
1) what did you like?
2) What didn’t you like?
3) what would you like more of?
4) what would you like to try next time?

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