Motherhood + Confidence

Celebrity mom-of-two Jessica Alba did an interview with LA Confidential where she said this: “I feel like I’ve finally come into my own and become the person I always should have been, or that I always wanted to be. I feel more grounded, free and comfortable in my own skin than I ever have.”

Was this true for you?

– Lindsay

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6 thoughts on “Motherhood + Confidence

  1. Ha Ha . if i had a nanny, personal trainer, private chef, an assitant, a stylist maybe i would feel well rested enough and whole to make those kind of statements I have had the opposite experience. I’ve felt more insecure, uncomfortable in my skin. and struggled with my identy more than when I didn’t have kids For the most part i don’t buy what she is saying.

  2. I hear you, Erika! hehe

    I know that I felt pretty confident BEFORE becoming a mommy – at work, but in my life in general – so having a baby really threw me for a loop. I’ve never felt less sure of myself.

    But maybe a woman who DIDN’T feel confident before might find her identity as a mom in a different way? Just a thought… I know a few moms who’ve expressed sentiments similar to what Jessica Alba said here. But they mostly weren’t people who were super comfortable in their own skin before.

    I sometimes laugh over how ridiculous it is that I felt totally competent at work, loved traveling overseas by myself, etc, etc, etc – but throw a newborn in my arms and I feel like I can’t do anything…

  3. I have a different experience. I feel like my life really came together in my early thirties. Whether that is due to children or not, I will never know. However, I feel like I have a clearer idea of my identity, my family (nuclear and extended), my vocational interests/goals, my overall health, my overall personal style and, finally feel like I have good hair! This gives me more confidence which I severely lacked growing up but started developing in my early twenties. I hope I haven’t peaked in my mid-thirties because I have a lot more to discover and enjoy!

  4. As an adoptive Mom, I felt really challenged for the first two months of my daughter’s life (with me – she was already a month when she joined us). People always assumed they could tell me what to do, what she needed, etc. One day I was fed up – “This is my daughter and I AM her Mom and actually, I understand much of what she does need.” And from them on, I loved motherhood and felt really great about myself in that role.

    Then when I gave birth to my son three years later, I felt really confident as a woman – having awe at the amazing instincts of womenkind, what we endure and the wonderful support that females uniquely offer to each other. (Not that this surpassed what I could have experienced had I never given birth – just gave me a window into the incredible power of women that I hadn’t previously seen). And perhaps had I quit with those two, I may have had some of the confidence expressed by Jessica Alba . . .

    For me, I feel like having a third in close succession has knocked me off my feet rather than grounding me and I’m still staggering to find solid ground and remember the best of who I am. There are moments when loving and enjoying my kids I feel so at ease and content, but there are other times when in fatigue and irritation I see the side of me I wish wasn’t there (the impatience, the bad temper, etc.) As for the skin I’m in – well, on the outside it’s certainly deteriorated since having kids! I don’t take care of myself nearly so well as I should or used to!

    I think for many of us, parenting is a complicated gift. It provides so much joy and opens up unique relationships to express ourselves, opportunities to understand ourselves or our own sibling or parental relationships better by seeing our children grow, etc. But at the same time parenting can be physically, emotionally, financially challenging. It can reveal our flaws, immaturities, bad habits and provide numerous other reasons to be stressed! All that said, I adore my kids and wouldn’t change the fact we’re family for an instant. As Ericka hinted, I’m sure Jessica has a few more resources available than the rest of us to help relieve some of the parenting challenges . . .

    • i probably sounded quite negative yesterday. I just hate when magazines interview celebrities and ask them questions like this. because i feel usually there answers are not real it makes them out to be these super moms or super people and i hate that because they are not they are just like us with help and resources and they sacrifice too things i wouldn’t. I love being a mom and i get the point about what she is saying to some extent. and understand how healing and liberating and thought provoking motherhood is. I just thinking motherhood can be like a wrestling match with yourself sometimes and its nitty gritty. not a total pretty and perfect picture of a perfect woman.

  5. Ann, I really appreciate reading your response. For me, childbearing and rearing has largely been a very intuitive and self-affirming journey. I have wondered to myself, though, how much I consciously and subconsciously depend on instinct and the concept of furthering my own genetic line to affirm myself in mothering. Before, during, and after becoming a mother, I was a part of two incredibly nurturing and positive Waldorf school communities that helped reinforce and inspire my own thoughts and feelings about child rearing. I have always had a strong sense of self and have been blessed with a lot of self confidence, but being a part of those schools was an incredible gift not only for my mothering-self but for many aspects of my life. I also actively shut-out most media/pop-culture influence from my life. And although I may feel like I live under a rock sometimes, it is impossibly freeing and delicious to not have to battle with whether or not to be affected and influenced by outside sources.

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