Last night, I had a chance to participate in an online parenting seminar entitled Getting Kids to Listen without Nagging, Yelling, or Reminding – not that I needed help in ANY of those areas (hehe).
It was an interesting perspective, and I definitely walked away with a few ideas. The biggest theme of the seminar was talking about people’s need for belonging and security, and how the absence of feeling those things is the true cause of misbehaviour. The presenter – Amy McCready from Positive Parenting Solutions – talked a lot about why punishment and time outs are not effective in the long run and about how respectful reminders (with relevant consequences) can make all the difference. She really stressed talking about the behaviour and the consequence ahead of time – using the first incident as a teaching moment – and then following through the very next time the behaviour happens, saying for example, ‘I noticed you chose to lose your TV privileges for today. I know you’ll make a better decision tomorrow.’
She also talked about how important it is to know ourselves – and to be able to see how our personalities influence our parenting and contribute to meltdowns (for example, I am a Control Freak and it stresses me out when B and I both have our own plans about how something should go, which often leads me to push my plan ahead of hers, which ends up in a classic mommy/toddler power struggle). This made me think about last week’s MOMs session on values and how those might influence our parenting – or maybe even conflict within our homes – as well. I’m still working that through, but it’s been interesting to think about it.
I didn’t agree with everything we learned (specifically, time outs work well in our house – not as a punishment thing, but as a chance for B to take a break, calm down, and save face a little bit). But it’s always interesting to learn about different parenting ideas and resources, and it was an hour well spent.
Are there any seminars, books, websites, or other resources that have been useful to you as a parent? What were your big takeaways – and would you recommend them to other parents?