Positive Parenting

Last night, I had a chance to participate in an online parenting seminar entitled Getting Kids to Listen without Nagging, Yelling, or Reminding – not that I needed help in ANY of those areas (hehe).

It was an interesting perspective, and I definitely walked away with a few ideas. The biggest theme of the seminar was talking about people’s need for belonging and security, and how the absence of feeling those things is the true cause of misbehaviour. The presenter – Amy McCready from Positive Parenting Solutions – talked a lot about why punishment and time outs are not effective in the long run and about how respectful reminders (with relevant consequences) can make all the difference. She really stressed talking about the behaviour and the consequence ahead of time – using the first incident as a teaching moment – and then following through the very next time the behaviour happens, saying for example, ‘I noticed you chose to lose your TV privileges for today. I know you’ll make a better decision tomorrow.’

She also talked about how important it is to know ourselves – and to be able to see how our personalities influence our parenting and contribute to meltdowns (for example, I am a Control Freak and it stresses me out when B and I both have our own plans about how something should go, which often leads me to push my plan ahead of hers, which ends up in a classic mommy/toddler power struggle). This made me think about last week’s MOMs session on values and how those might influence our parenting – or maybe even conflict within our homes – as well. I’m still working that through, but it’s been interesting to think about it.

I didn’t agree with everything we learned (specifically, time outs work well in our house – not as a punishment thing, but as a chance for B to take a break, calm down, and save face a little bit). But it’s always interesting to learn about different parenting ideas and resources, and it was an hour well spent.

Are there any seminars, books, websites, or other resources that have been useful to you as a parent? What were your big takeaways – and would you recommend them to other parents?

– Lindsay

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3 thoughts on “Positive Parenting

  1. My best resource has been a book my mom got me when Lucy was born. It’s called The New First Three Years of Life (so boring, I know) by Burton L White. He spent years observing 0-2 year olds and developed strategies for each stage of development, including recommended toys and activities, sleeping patterns, and discipline techniques. I’ve found it invaluable for understanding Lucy’s development. I can loan it out if anyone wants it.

    My other super-helpful resource has been the blogger Amalah’s q&a column, the Advice Smackdown. It’s not always about parenting and not always relevant to me, but her common-sense approach is totally my style and has given me great tips.

  2. I really connected with “Have a New Kid by Friday” which should actually be titled – Be a New Parent by Friday, but whatevs. It gives so many practical solutions to almost every single example you could ever imagine encountering.

  3. I have heard of the “positive parenting” idea and the other books mentioned. Particularly, I’ve heard great things about the “Have a New Kid by Friday”.
    I just finished the Parenting Collection by Dr. James Dobson with Parenting isn’t for Cowards, The Strong Willed Child & The Dare to Discipline books compiled into one. (I know someone is not a fan of him 😉 ) I certainly enjoyed reading Dr. JD’s books partly due to it confirming my parenting style, which I probably learned more from teaching. I agreed with about 95% of the book.
    I’m a full believer in love, respect for all & obedience. It’s a big topic for me, I probably shouldn’t go into it right now since we are just talking about book titles. 😉

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