This week’s guest speaker – counsellor Mark Westman – came to us bearing good news and bad news about romance after kids.
THE BAD NEWS: Reality is that you may never be more tired, sexually disinterested, distracted, lacking in free time, and tempted to see yourself as unattractive as you do now. This makes romance very challenging in this stage of life.
THE GOOD NEWS: A great sex life after kids is not magic. If you make changes in these areas you are almost guaranteed that things will be hot and passionate. You have to make a decision and take action.
We had some great discussion, and Mark shared his ‘Top Ten’ tips to reintroduce some sizzle at home.
1. Check your mental attitude.
2. Romance needs privacy.
3. Plan for regular time together.
4. Make room for spontaneous AND planned sex.
5. Create and save energy for sex.
6. Kill the distractions.
7. Create rituals that encourage intimacy.
8. Initiate sex assertively.
9. Stay sexy.
10. Choose to jump in.
In Mark’s words, we need to be realistic about what is required to keep romance and sex after kids. Sometimes one or both spouses will be frustrated, tired, bored, confused, sad… Making time for romance takes hard work, sacrifice, and even discipline – but intimacy with your spouse is worth it.
Romance is the glue that not only hods your marriage together, but your entire family as well. The greatest gift you can give your kids is a passionate relationship with your husband. Prioritize your marriage, and not only will the sparks fly more easily, but you, your husband, and your kids will reap the rewards.
Here’s a list of books that were recommended during Thursday’s chat:
- Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight by Sheila Wray Gregoire
- The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner Davis
- Celebration of Sex by Dr Douglas Rosenau